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When you find yourself playing multiple roles to please everyone think of what happens to Jim Carrey’s character in ‘The Mask,’ when he’s spent too long being the nice guy. Okay, you’re not going to literally have a mask suctioned onto your face that transforms you into a monster. But you are likely to get worn out.
When you find yourself playing multiple roles to please everyone think of what happens to Jim Carrey’s character in ‘The Mask,’ when he’s spent too long being the nice guy. Okay, you’re not going to literally have a mask suctioned onto your face that transforms you into a monster. But you are likely to get worn out. All the frustrations others cause you will get tucked away until one day you let it all out in a nasty overflow of toxic buildup.
It’s okay to disagree
To overcome this it is important to find yourself and accept that sometimes it’s okay to disagree with someone. It’s okay if they’re rude and you tell them not to behave like that to you. It’s only healthy assertiveness to confront somebody who you know is in the wrong. It makes no sense at all to remain a quiet little mouse, accepting and tolerating every inconsiderate person. Others do make errors or cross boundaries. You can tell them when they do.
It’s also fine to get angry
In certain cases it’s totally acceptable to express your anger. As long as you don’t hurt anyone or it doesn’t become a detriment to you, don’t feel you can never let anyone know you’re annoyed. Sometimes things happen or people do things which would make even the best of us want to scream. Festering anger that you never let to the surface will wear you down until you can’t bear it. It can be easy to feel anger at bullying colleagues.
If you don’t talk to your superior about them as soon as possible you are likely to find that over time all the wrongs they do to you build up and up. This situation risks you breaking down in an office and hurling abuse at them after they do just one more tiny thing and to outsiders it might seem completely out of proportion. The point is, it’s best to show a little anger when it’s understandable rather than hide it until it’s too late.
Accept your emotions
An awareness of your feelings is the best way to succeed in any situation. If you’re tired or sad you can base your actions on that knowledge. At a party you can choose not to drink too much alcohol because you risk exacerbating your bad mood with a hangover the next day. You might feel irritated so you know that today is not the day to eat lunch near a colleague who tends to rub you up the wrong way.
Try to trace where your feeling comes from. This will help you to know your emotions and then accept them. You can forgive yourself for feeling irritable if your neighbours were making a lot of noise and you’re lacking sleep. When you’re in a bad mood but you understand why you are less likely to react badly when you make mistakes because you know that usually, under different circumstances, you wouldn’t do that and you can just apologize and move on. Without accepting and understanding our emotions we can tie ourselves in knots, wondering why we are behaving a certain way and thinking there’s something wrong with us when we’re just a bit sleep-deprived.
Look for solutions
Once you’ve taken off the ultra-polite mask and allowed yourself to express your emotions, you might also unveil some negative relationships you have with others in your life. It is okay to find it difficult to get along with certain people. There is no point forcing a friendship with someone you hate. Toxic people are always best avoided.
With others though, you might want to make peace and there are multiple ways of doing this. You could invite them to go for a coffee with you and discuss any misgivings in a calm setting. You might find it easier to write down what you want to say to them first, then edit it till you are happy it will be effective in reaching a truce. Forgiving someone or resolving a dispute can make you feel a lot happier and confident.
Remember you are different in others’ eyes
Sometimes it is easy to panic that you don’t know who you are because you have so many roles for others. Are you a mother, daughter, sister or wife? Well, of course, we are so many different things at one time through the eyes of each individual that knows us. But to yourself you are just the one person going about your life. Bear this in mind because you are your own rock, constant in the fickle sea of people that are constantly changing. Stick to you convictions about what’s wrong and right. Act by them and when you make an error don’t worry, you’ll soon make up for it by doing what you know is right later on.
Keep in mind too which are the people that you have the most fun around. These are the people who you don’t ever feel you need to try or pretend for. You can relax and be yourself without even thinking twice. Find them and now enjoy yourself. Enjoy being you too. You have your own sense of humour and your own favourite things to do. Do those things without letting others force you to be who they think you should be. A strong sense of self, leads to healthy self-esteem, which in turn will improve your life in general. So take off your mask and enjoy the real you.
You're the best version of yourself. You don't need any of the ones.